Promises, Promises

You said you'd never hurt me
You lied
Promised you'd always be here
You weren't
Why does love have to be hard?
Why can't it just be easy?
You let me love you, but kept your guard up
I gave you everything
You shut down
I was all but invisible
There was never talk of forever
Never seemed too concerned with my hopes & dreams
No major plans
I love you just became words
So many actions contradicting those words
I told you once
"I was fine before you.."
"I'll be fine when you're gone."
Maybe deep down I knew I could never keep you
I guess I knew all along you'd break me
I'm sorry you're hurting now,
But I guess you're finally getting to see..
Seeing now what you put me through
So, you question how I could move on so quickly.
My answer is this:
It just happened
No bows, bells or whistles
No spitefulness
No need to hang onto someone else to forget you.. 
Just a simple twist of events that lead me here...
Actions speak louder than words
Yours pushed me away...

Moving On?

   When did there become an acceptable time table to move on from a relationship? "It's too soon." "I can't believe you!" "Already?"  Trust me, I tried to talk myself out of it. I thought I needed time. Apparently I got just enough time, then BOOM. The whole thing is, about moving on, I wasn't the one that didn't know what I wanted or where I was going. I'm not broken.. That's what he keeps telling me. I've let too many people in my life influence how I feel about myself. I used to be confident & I lost that girl somewhere. I think, maybe she might be coming back though.

   Do I hurt over the loss of someone I love. Of course. He wasn't a bad person, he just made some bad decisions. Wasn't all his fault. You can ask any poor sap that's dated me, I'm a pain in the ass sometimes. It really just didn't work out.. There's no major drama or fall out. Two people who fell madly in love once drifted apart.

I think my life may be a sad country song...

Blah Blah Blah

I have a serious case of the mood swings :/ I'm a mess. I guess this is what happens when you're scared of something you don't know or understand. You want to believe so much that getting hurt isn't going to happen again. But you're heart's so broken & battered you would rather run away then risk feeling like this ever again.. It's like a hangover.. You had a blast, now you're regretting it, you'll never do it again, then sooner than later it's the same thing all over. One big vicious cycle.

I'm a mess

Maybe it's a little too personal to spill your guts on the internet for the world to read,, but oh well.. I see it this way if you don't like what i have to say, I'm boring, or you think I'm crazy there are a million bloggers out there to read I'm sure you'll find one you like even if it isn't me :)

So...

I'm 25, I work for minimum wage, & I always thought I'd be further along in my life by now than I am. If you had asked me 10 years ago. I would have told you married, a kid, & teaching Kindergarten somewhere living in some cute little planned community or something.

Instead it's been giving everything I have to some dumb boy I fall in love with from the ones that abandon me, the ones that lie, the cheaters, the users, the abusers, & the ones that could never make up their minds. I think I put more energy into what they wanted & what I thought they wanted from me, that I got lost in the mix somewhere.

I suppose here in the last few days it seems to be sinking in, I've wasted so much time.

I think my bi-polar is acting up again ;)~

I had a path I was supposed to go down, but I guess life doesn't care about your plans does it? I am now watching all my friends get married & have babies & it makes me a little sad & jealous. I want that someday. I just don't know if that person has come along, or if he'll ever come along. I've been with the same person for over 2 years.. Shouldn't I know by now? Should he? I keep thinking, "You're going to be 26, the clock is ticking.."

My last ex boyfriend got married about 6 months ago, they have a baby on the way... they're in their mid-30's.. so maybe there's still hope for me someday right?

I guess I'm just so scared of ending up like my mom too.. By the time you're in your 50's you resent everyone & you push your kids away & you're angry & it's everyone else's fault.

I really just wanted more for myself than what I settled for & I guess that's my own fault. I should've walked away & let those boys figure it out on their own instead of believing I could love away their problems..

In the end I'll make it :) I always do..

Holier-Than-Thou

    I don't get super upset over a lot of things, but this is one of those things.. The useless wastes of space that stand on the street in front of women's clinics & yell at people going in. They have their signs & their pictures & their "God loves your baby" crap. I hate you people.
    Do you know why that woman walking into that clinic? Was she raped? Do you care? As long as she carries that baby for 9 months & gives it up? And for what? For that kid to be bounced from one foster home to another? So it can more than likely be neglected, abused, raped? So that when it turns 18 it can be thrown out into the world to fend for itself?
    Did it occur to you that there's a defect with the baby? Oh.. You want this child -if it lives after birth- to live the rest of it's life unable to care for itself? Bedridden? Unable to talk or walk? Because it's "God's will" really? What happened to the loving/forgiving God? Seems a little funny how you bible thumpers twist your religion to fit whatever horrid thing you're doing today.
     Why don't you spend your time doing something productive? Educate young girls, donate to help research birth defects, volunteer, & for the love of God STFU! Standing around screaming at someone isn't going to stop them from ending a pregnancy be it out of necessity or choice. I believe every woman has a right to choose whether or not she keeps a child. While I do not believe it is a form of birth control by any means. It's an ugly, nasty procedure & I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, nonetheless, it's her decision. These people should be ashamed of themselves for torturing someone who is going to be haunted by that decision for the rest of their lives.


Anyway, I stumbled across this blog & video. Kudos to the guy that did this.

http://tinyurl.com/2g73gx9






    

Why Does Love Make You Fat?

So 2 1/2 years ago when I met Brodie I weighed 115 (ish) I've never been a super skinny girl. I've always had boobs & a butt. I don't eat super great but I definitely don't eat badly. I hate fried everything (except pickles & jalapenos but those are a like twice a year thing), I don't eat fast food very often, & when I do go out to eat I try to make good decisions. I don't over eat. I do have 2 major problems... Alcohol & soda. I drink Vodka & cranberry "juice" & that's about it. I limit myself to one soda a day otherwise, it's water. I really should workout more often & after I write this blog I'm going to ;) But how the hell did I get all the way up to 130lbs?!?! I'm very unhappy w/ my body & I'm trying to motivate myself, but when you work your butt off & see no results it's hard to stay that way. There's so many conflicting reports about what to eat & not eat. What exercises to do to lose fat. "Melt away the fat!" "Lose 10 pounds in a week!" ugh I really think dancing's the only thing that kept me thin. Working out for an hour a day 3-5 times a week isn't producing any results. It's not like I have a desk job. Soooooooo very frustrating. I'm hoping to be back to 115 by Jan! 

I Have a Problem.. Well.. Another One

So, I can waste HOURS watching YouTube cover songs.. I think I may need an intervention ;D Recently Taylor Swift's 'Mine' has been eating up the battery life on my laptop. So far best cover goes to Ahmir. Very nicely done!

Ahmir Covers Taylor Swift's 'Mine'

Girl Drama

I'm 25, all my friends have been mostly guys all my life. I just don't get a long with girls. Too much drama. Everything's a big deal & it's the end of the world as we know it! Now granted, sometimes, I can be that way, I know that but it doesn't happen very often. So, when you're trying to explain to one your girlfriends that you have a problem with her recent attitude change, you're trying to have a civilized conversation, & her response is, "ok, whatever.." Then -click- Really? Are we still in middle school? It just reminds me why I choose to not have girl friends in my life...

The Bachelor

   
    I just started watching The Bachelor during Jake's season.. So, last night during the Bachelorette they had the Jake & Vienna break-up interview. Of course I watched the end of the train wreck that started six months ago. As, well, most of us knew was going to happen. I never liked Vienna much anyway & Jake is emotionally unstable. I've never seen a boy that pretty be such a girl.. Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Pavelka your son is a vagina! 

   Anywho, during the interview Vienna says Jake never kissed her, hugged her, & they were not intimate for the last four months of their relationship.. Red flag much dumb dumb? She goes on to say she tried to leave twice, according to Jake she only ever made it to the bathroom to pout. She says Jake is controlling & talks to her like she's a child.. Well, Vienna, if you have to be told constantly what to do because you're to dumb to figure it out all on your own.. I'd tell you what to do & talk to you like you were 5 too! Just sayin'.. 

   They went on a three month reality show to be famous find love & get married.. Well, you met this person three months before the proposal under false pretenses did you really think it was going to last? As they said in the book "He's Just Not That Into You", "You are the rule, not the exception!"  another good rule from another good book, "Emily's Reasons Why Not", "Beware of promises made in paradise. Men talk about a future with you on a romantic island when you are tan and easy-breezy, but it never makes the flight home." They fell in love with an idea, not a person. 

   Even though I'm not a big fan of Jake, I'm still Team Jake because Vienna is the embodiment of everything that's wrong with women today. The moment I was team Jake was when, out of habit, he called her baby. What no one else saw. I guess I did. Maybe it's because I've been there. When you've tried so hard to make something work & that person that you cared for just keeps on & keeps on & you say something like that unrehearsed & accidentally tells me that he did care for her, but I'm thinking she made it impossible to fix. I'm sure Jake's lack of patience probably didn't help any, but what I saw was Jake being the adult & Vienna behaving like a spoiled 13 year old. 

   After he sat there & listened to her bash him call him a liar, a fame-whore, anything else she could throw at him.. he just wanted to tell his side. Vienna wasn't having it. So finally he raised his voice. She's quiet for three seconds & starts in again. Then calmly he says is, "See interrupted again", Vienna bursts into tears & runs away throwing a tantrum like a 5 year old. 

   I don't know that Vienna actually cheated, but she did something wrong.. She stuttered & contradicted herself more than a couple times, she was super defensive, her face, body language, & tone all said lying.. They both need therapy & Vienna needs to be sterilized.. 


Oh & my last little poke at Vienna: she started a rumor about posing for Playboy right after they approached Jake about doing Playgirl. Playboy released a statement saying they had no contact w/ Vienna about doing the cover or anything else. Hmmm... She calls Jake a fame whore for changing career paths, but then starts rumors & sells stories to tabloids. Pot/Kettle much?

Vampire?

I've never been a day person.. ever.. So, having a day job kinda sucks. Granted, I get a lot more done in the week being up during the day but the sun hurts my eyes & people make me grumpy. I like the night time, people are much more interesting. Being up past 2a when you have to work 8 hours in a grooming salon isn't conducive to not getting bit because you're too bust day-dreaming of your pillows then paying attention to the dog that's trying to rip your finger off for clipping it's nails. So, on top of not being a fan of the sun, I don't sleep as a result.. I'm lucky to get 6 hours of sleep a night.. again...not conducive to not getting your finger chomped off..

Memorial Day & The River

So, I could do the typical "Thanks soldiers" thing on Memorial Day, but just like only saying thanks mom/dad on Mother's/Father's Day, I think it means more when you thank them just because.. That being said...

When Life Gives You Lemons?

I guess we all come to a point in our lives where we feel the need to cleanse ourselves. Be it of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or even people.. I've come to the point in my life where I feel the need to just cut people out.. I've had enough with all the negativity, the liars, the being two-faced, the sleaze-balls, the people that are so miserable with themselves they feel the need to bring everyone around them down too, & the people that continue to make mistakes that are going to do nothing but ruin their lives... 

Things You Take For Granted

I've been in Austin 7 years as of July. That being said, my track record for living in one place in this town..well.. it's bad.. I've never lived anywhere for more than 3-6 months at a time. I've had a lot of boyfriend drama & even more roommate drama. I'm pretty sure I've moved something like 14 or 15 times in 7 years.. geez lol

As of this week Brodie (my boyfriend) & I moved into our own apartment & it's amazing! you can read all about it on his blog. As I'm standing here writing this, I am in a laundry room at 11pm on a Friday.. Having your own washer & dryer makes you spoiled & I've had them in the last 3 places I've lived. Oh how I hate laundry rooms! lol Having to drag all your laundry into the laundry room, then fold it up, load it back into the car, take it home, unload it, & put it all away :p so tedious! I have to work at 9a & I'm exhausted..However, my siesta turned into a 3 hour nap.. oops! ;) 40 mins left 'til the dryers are done.. then home & to bed! Ok.. I'm sorry A.D.D. is acting up again ;)~  So back to the things you take for granted.. 1) having a clean house!

Come On Pet Owners!!

OK, I have a bone to pick with some pet owners out there.. I work for a major pet supply company in their grooming department. I am -to say the least- appalled at some of the things I've been seeing lately: dogs so covered in mats that they can't see, they smell like they've been living in their own waste for months, nails so overgrown the nail is beginning to grow into their pad.. What part of that seems OK?!? So frustrating! It's more ignorance than it is neglect. It's people that just don't know. Here's a few little tips from me to you.. If you have a dog w/ long, curly, kinky, or wavy hair.. Please brush your dog a couple times a week, this will keep it from getting matted. Matting can cut circulation off to areas of the skin & limbs!   Your dog's hair should be cut/trimmed at least once a month if it's long/curvy/wavy/kinky. Please bathe your pet! If you dog has matting DON'T bathe it. The mats will get worse! 

If your dog's toenails are touching the ground buff them.   If you're not comfortable doing it take them to a pet supply chain (PetSmart, Petco..etc..) they charge between $10-$15. I honestly believe that pet owners mean well, it's a matter of being educated. I see a lot of people that just don't know. Just ask!!! For the sake of your pet ASK! :) We like to see happy pets & owners.

Why Cohabitating With Friends is BAD

Back in January my boyfriend (Brodie) & I found out we were going to have to move out of our apartment in Tarrytown (due to a family thing with our landlords) No big deal.. Except, I was unemployed & looking at the time & we had 3 weeks to find a new place. No way we were going to have the money to move into our own place. We opted to move in with an old friend of Brodie's.

I protested since I had seen the way this guy & his kid lived in their last house. Lets just say I got REALLY sick the one visit we made to that house. I had another friend we had lived with before that was willing to rent us a room. Brodie said that since his friend had this new girlfriend that they kept the house really clean. February we move in. By week 2 they were smoking in the house & everything in my closet stunk. They only cleaned house twice a week & they didn't try very hard.

To say the least my OCD freaked out & I went on a few cleaning sprees. After pleading with them to not smoke in the living room, they stopped (mostly). On to the kitchen.. They cook & leave all the dishes & food out over night. How we never had roaches is beyond me. There are 2 cats in the house, the cat box (in the living room) has been over-flowing for a week. I counted 50+ dead flies all over the kitchen a few days ago. If you turn the kitchen sink on you get a face full of fruit flies. They put fly paper up in the kitchen above the sink & dining table.. They bring fast-food home & leave the wrappers, drinks, & containers all over the living room..We were paying $400 a month to not leave our room because the rest of the house is unlivable. We are having to share a bathroom with the 19 year old boy who has no aim & doesn't flush. Their under-age guests come over, get drunk, & throw up on the bathroom floor & leave it for me to clean..The other girl in the house has an awful attitude.. Her boyfriend & I have had many civil adult conversations in reference to our living conditions, respecting others in the house, & people's attitudes.. As soon as she comes home our agreements go right out the window.

After conversation after conversation, begging & pleading, we finally just decided to get out.

With 4 days until our move date, you can cut the tension in this house with a knife.

They came home today, pretty sure he was drunk, & freaked out that the AC was on. It was set on 75.. It was 85 degrees in the house before I turned the AC on.. They leave every light in the house on, they leave 3 computers, & 2 TVs on ALL THE TIME, but we're not allowed to turn the AC on because we "Aren't paying the electric bill".

As sad as I am to say it. I'm pretty sure this experience has ruined this friendship. Brodie & I have only asked for a little common courtesy. While we are thankful to them for letting us take over a room in their house, I just feel like they spit in our faces over so many things.

Apparently we weren't paying enough in rent to have our wishes respected.

I'm just so glad this is almost over. Less than 4 days to go. We leave Sunday morning for Dallas, we drive back Monday & move into our new apartment. I'm disinfecting EVERYTHING!

    

Well Hello

Hi, My name is Summer..

I decided to write a blog..Along with so many other people. This isn't so much because I think I'm interesting.. It's more a way for me to vent my frustrations & share my triumphs. An outlet, I guess..